A Life of Emptiness and Clarity Meets the Chaotic Vomitus Unconscious

In therapy, I recall dealing with one issue at a time.

Something would come up.

Therapist and I would talk.
Looking happened.
Moving on happened.
It was almost… orderly.
Therapy ended when the issue I had gone for resolved.

Awake life is not like this, at least not here.
No order.
No agenda.
Anything can and does surface, from any direction.
Nothing stands between “you” and the thought-feeling constellation
of raw, unmitigated experience.

Example:
Attended a party at a friend’s house.
Knew almost no one other than the host.
Attended other parties in the last couple years
and felt completely at ease.
Friends, acquaintances, strangers – what’s the difference ?
Talking to everyone without hesitation.

Nonetheless…

On this evening, shyness started to manifest.

Not the mild kind that people hide
with darting eyes and nervous laughter.
We are talking the deep, gripping kind of pathological shyness
that borders on agoraphobia.
The kind of strangling social anxiety
that makes you wonder why you were born.

What is going on ? There is no one here to be shy !?! This kind of experience hasn’t happened for…. um, actually, there is no conscious memory of such a vivid experience of social anxiety and alienation.

What is real, right now ?

This is here. This is experience.

If resistance to internal states arises, the state eventually recurs.
Without resistance, emotional dust-ups disappear.
Experience has borne out the utility of this approach.

So the shyness/anxiety hung around,
and I remained at the party, watching the shyness/anxiety,
feeling quite amazed, offering no resistance to its presence.

Been in similar social situations since then.
Felt at ease.

This thought-feeling constellation appears to be over.
Another one may emerge at any time.

No way to tell what may come.

No way to “get ready”.

“Embrace experience fully and release.”

This example from ordinary life could happen to almost anyone.

The main difference is,
after awakening,
negativity dispelling itself feels more intense.

The buffering effect of the ego is missing.

Emotional chaos blows up right in the face.

And it dispels much more quickly;
ungrasped, unstorified, unimpeded.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shyness
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia

Party jpg came from : http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/23/Birthdayparty.jpg/640px-Birthdayparty.jpg

Explosive jpg cam from : http://www.quirkyscience.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Explosion-Image-by-US-Department-of-Defense.jpg

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About dominic724

A former seeker starts blogging.
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2 Responses to A Life of Emptiness and Clarity Meets the Chaotic Vomitus Unconscious

  1. Great to see you back writing, dominic! And I absolutely relate to what you say here. Things just show up…. even the stuff that I had not imagined would ever come again in this ‘after’ time. Love your description….

    • dominic724 says:

      Thanks, Lisa! I have enjoyed your video work very much and posted some of it on my Pinterest Spirituality and Not Two boards. I don’t know if I’m back – just came to tidy up a bit and found those two posts finished and sitting there… It’s lovely to hear from you Lisa. We’ll see if anything else wants to express itself. – d 😉

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