The “I” thought : king of the weeds in a whole weedy thought patch.
For a while, the absence of “I” thoughts felt so freeing, it almost intoxicated.
Later, the rest of the weeds remind of their existence through the creeping re-emergence of old, outdated patterns of thought.
Dormant atavisms from the fear-filled, controlling life of the separate self start to sprout wildly in the garden of the mind.
Fussiness choking out acceptance .
Impatience creeping back where happy waiting freely bloomed.
Irritation spreading into new, pristine territory hitherto bearing benign indifference.
Fault-finding and criticism emerging where impersonal love had prospered.
What’s going on ? What’s the matter ? Still no “me” to be found, right?!
Yet more and more am acting, speaking and feeling like “my” old self.
Old negative habits of thought,
flattened by the Awakening’s upheaval,
slowly spring back and regain lost territory.
Perhaps the temporary nature of some of the effects of Awakening led those from past centuries intimately familiar with the Awakening process to strongly state that practice does not end upon waking up, but rather waking up starts a new phase of practice.
Now I understand why the great Zen teachers ( Huang Po amongst others) emphasized not just no-self but a whole life of non-conceptuality – living as the spacious spontaneity of thought-free activity.
* * *
Inquiry helped cut through conceptuality in the past, and am picking it up again.
The most helpful form inquiry
takes here : the ardent application of
” To who does this thought come ? ”
Silence instantly follows the inquiry, every time.
“To who does this thought come?”
thins thoughts out,
and slows the reappearance of those mental weeds.
The practice has not had enough time to show how far it goes,
but it acts powerfully to clear the mind of clutter.
The biggest weed is still gone,
but in time,
with no further practice,
it might be hard to tell
much of anything changed..
Finally, a practice – inquiry – which works clearly and effectively.
How remarkably similar this practice feels to the
” What sees this ?” inquiry practice which had helped
clear away most of the self-sense.
When (or if) the nonconceptual state appears,
you will hear of it on this page.
Until then, I shall not pay it another thought.
Huang Po ( ? – 850 CE )
Weed pic from here: https://vanishingnarrative.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/f07fc-p1070182.jpg
Huang Po from here : http://www.selfdiscoveryportal.com/4othergraphics/huang-po.jpg
For more along these lines, please see : http://onespaciousness.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/unplug-yes-you/
(1) This blog does not use the archaic “whom”.