Comfort Zone

The approach to awakening from this angle,
and (apparently) from many others, was fraught with peril.

Not physical peril.

Mental peril.

What if I’m wrong ?
What if this awakening stuff is a bunch of malarkey ?
What if I’m wasting my time ?
Really, who’s to say what awakening is, anyway ?

The mind grabs at anything to defend its ideas,
the thought of and the believed,
whatever makes it feel comfortable.

And that’s what flies in the face of seeing-through-the-farce.
The moat surrounding the thought castle where the separate ” I ” lives.

“I have my beliefs, and I see no reason to give them up !”

Awakening was not comfortable.
It was not tidy.
It was unsettling and confusing until everything was done.
And how it transpired had not to do with what ” I ” wanted.

* * * * *

So it’s over a year since, the dust has settled.

Have talked with quite a few people in that time.
Most have not the slightest interest whatsoever in awakening.

Five very interested peeps just needed a straight arrow pointing to the exit,
and it was over.

What differentiated those five from the rest?

As far as I can tell, three qualities:

1) Genuine interest in the topic.
2) Allowing for possibilities:
that awakening is real, that it happens today, that it can happen in this life.
3) Willingness to set aside their prior self-stories, notions, beliefs, ideas, concepts
just for one moment and actually peak behind the thought castle’s walls.

But I cannot be completely certain.

Am not completely certain about much, these days.

The twisting flux of experience never stops moving,
even changes when examined,
thoughts arise – infinitely malleable – then evaporate.

Am never entirely certain about anything.

Living peacefully with the ambiguous flow of life does not challenge so, without a bevy of beliefs about what will happen, what should happen, what will exist 5 minutes from now.

Not being sure terrifies the little me,
so that its comfort zone includes lots of certainty,
especially about the future.

Whatever threatens that certainty must stay outside the moat of thoughts
around the castle of the “I”.

What’s this awakening thing about, anyway ?
How do I know it’s right for me ?
What do I get out of it ?

The loss of a false certainty,
and a life that stays broadly open to unknowing.

********************************************************************

Castle photo courtesy of Wikipedia : http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/de/Muiderslot_september_2007.JPG/640px-Muiderslot_september_2007.JPG

Sea and sky photo from here: http://seakayakphoto.blogspot.com/2011/11/what-place-for-wedding.html

A moat is a deep, broad ditch, either dry or filled with water, that surrounds a castle, other building or town, historically a sewage passage for the castle waste, which caused great disease. – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moat

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About dominic724

A former seeker starts blogging.
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2 Responses to Comfort Zone

  1. I had no idea what awakening might be ‘before’. But when I saw that it could happen, I did exactly what you say above… and let the wild fire consume. And it is also my experience that almost no one is interested in this; the only ones I know who are, are those I’ve found online. We are as yet a very small community; but it grows daily. Thanks for another great post!

  2. Hmmm, just thought to add this about ‘no one interested’… I know many who are interested, but simply interested in keeping the ‘I’ identity and ‘personal’ beliefs, yes; they want to improve themselves, and make what shows up more pleasant (which is understandable, of course). When I speak of how it actually is, they lose interest.

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