On July 24, 2011, the dream character “I” had believed into existence ceased to exist.
The self collapse occurred while reading an archived dialog between a guide and a seeker on an internet site called Ruthless Truth (also no longer existing) , sometime between 11:30 and 12:00 Sunday morning, July 24, 2011. That event is described in the post AN UNLIKELY CATALYST and also in THE ROAR OF SILENCE.
The exchange recorded below took place over personal messaging through Facebook, two days later, between Dominic and Elena Nezhinsky, author of the blog COMPLETE HUMANITY, which I had been following, and through which had discovered the final trigger of awakening.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
July 25 at 8:57 pm
The self mirage disappeared late Sunday morning. Enjoyed your blog. Been meditating daily for over 10 years. On your blog [ COMPLETE HUMANITY ] saw reference to the RUTHLESS TRUTH [ no longer exists ]. Read more than 200 pages of dialogs. Before getting up from the chair, it was over. No “me”. Nothing to refer to. How could it be so freakin plain ??? There it was. Had no sense of how many worries occupied the mind daily until they had vanished. It’s hilarious. No one here to laugh. Laughter happens anyway. Biggest sensation at that first moment – incredulity.
Am emptying the bookshelves of many Buddhist and other “spiritual ” books. [ 170 books vacated the shelves after this event] The current day brings a feeling of almost recklessness under the necessary social conventions, which no longer bind through fear of consequence. Good thing the body knows how to drive, walk, open doors, etc.
It’s doing just fine with no watcher inside.
My voice has become suddenly much stronger and more open – suspecting a relaxation of the throat muscles which has not been mentioned (anywhere) .
Just wanted to say thanks.
Elena July 25 at 9:28pm
D! I saw you always supported my posts [ on Facebook ], and I was curious who is this guy!:) I am so happy for you, so happy. Yes, this is amazingly simple – laughter and disbelief happens when the key finally fit the lock and you turn, and see there is no frikking gate, never was – it’s gateless!!! hahahaha. I am so happy for you. I am excited! Do you mind I will ask you couple of questions just to confirm, ok? Can you look at your experience right now and distill [for] me exactly what the self is? From your experience now. Do you live your life?
D July 25 at 11:42pm
No one lives this life. The body gets up in the morning and takes care of it all. Memory is here, but the feeling of self-reference is missing at the emotional and psychological level. Example: Staring at another human only is limited by social convention – there is not feeling of interior discomfort or self-consciousness.
Elena July 25 : Do you exist?
D July 25 at 11:47pm
Do I exist ? Ha ! No “me” is necessary for existence. That’s so simple it would be embarrassing, except that there is no one here to be embarrassed. It’s the fictional “me” that was seen to be written over what is actually happening.
Elena July 25 : What is self?
D July 25 at 11:49pm
The self is a fiction.
Elena July 25 at 11:54pm
Perfect. clear. Gosh, you did it, D. OMG. Love you.
What was the most instrumental in your seeing?
D July 25 at 11:56pm : What was instrumental? Ciaran [ the guide] used the metaphor of the video / causality, where we imagine ourselves as separate from the video through the addition of causality, but we’re not – we are part of the video as much as any other part. It’s an imagined separation.
For most of this life until Sunday morning, “I” felt that “I” was this guy who had certain qualities, a past, a future, etc. I knew this was not real from watching the open awareness of the mind in meditation, etc. But I still felt it that the me was real.
I was afraid for me. I worried about me. I felt bad about me. I resented people saying unkind things about the me. There has been a shift. Worry vanished. The me is no longer an object of great concern.
Elena July 25 at 11:59pm
And I am so happy Yay!!!
You know, we are making a book with all women’s liberations. It would be awesome – so many people will benefit! Even though there are no others, as we saw it, but there is this movement in consciousness that plays itself out as separate entity until it’s no more:) And there is a movement that “seemingly” guides:) Hehe. all play, all fiction on the level of appearances, and all is divine breath.
Elena July 26 at 12:05am
My husband woke up when he read Ciaran’s “First Pure Liberation” thread. [ same guide, same archive ] Somebody just woke up by reading my blog too… It’s amazing it can work this way! Perfect. I will let Ciaran know! Thank you very much! ♥
D July 26 at 12:05am
Many thanks for your kindness and the love you extend to everyone by inviting them to work with you.
Elena July 26 at 12:06am
I am happy, happy, happy! Good night, my friend!
D July 26 at 12:06am
Many thanks to Elena Nezhinsky for posting this. The url is here: