[ Timothy Foley, from the Facebook group Enlightenment NOW, shares his account of awakening. Tim prefers to express himself on awakening and after-the-Gate topics through video. Link provided below. Enjoy ! ]
A’ight, so, meditated for years, since I was a young teen when I decided enlightenment was something I wanted; like ten or eleven years of serious regular meditation every day, mantra repetition throughout the day, following the spiritual guidelines of the various religious traditions I got into along the way. Then about three years ago I witnessed a murder and it rattled me very deeply.
My seeking took on a very frantic, desperate quality, and I went searching for some teachings or practices or writings, anything, not really knowing what I was looking for but knowing something deeper was needed. I found Adyashanti’s audio book “True Meditation”, and through him I found Nisargadatta and Ramana and all the modern nondual teachers.
I saturated myself in those teachings non-stop, reading during the day, falling asleep to interviews and non-dual podcasts at night, waking up to little “pointers” I’d recorded on my phone as an alarm clock the next morning.
Then one day I was sitting at the bedside of a dying Catholic priest (I do bedside hospice care for a living) and there was an unexpected and profound “shift” I can’t really explain but after which nothing was the same.
I’ve been trying to write the next part for a few minutes but it’s hard cuz this is the point where I started having bad memory problems, and there are huge holes missing from my memory of this part of my life.
I do remember finding myself in Santa Cruz at one of John Wheeler’s meetings at some point and he pointed to some stuff which made the whole thing much clearer for me, and from that point on the whole egoic structure didn’t really have any ground to build on; thoughts just came and went without being grabbed and identified with and built upon.
Thereafter I spent some time in deep peace in that infamous
“stuck-as-awareness” phase where it felt like my life was just happening and nobody was living it, like I was just a passive disengaged witness to what occurred.
I started talking about my experiences on the internet, and at some point I was contacted by a nice guy named Tom who (after making friends with me first and getting past my guru phobia) suggested that maybe there was further to go.
I trusted what he said, did something Adyashanti suggested in a Youtube video I found at that exact same time for getting past that phase, and it worked. It was like I was bringing That which was awakened to into the world, into Tim. It was like I was bringing nondual awareness consciously into duality. It was a big difference, like the difference between 2-D and 3-D.
Since that time there’s been a continuing opening and deepening and falling away as I do what I’ve been describing as discovering hidden sticking points, unconscious delusion-rooted conditioning, and uprooting it.
And now I’m here.
[addendum, written by Timothy Foley on a separate date]
This body which grew and developed in limitation and delusion continues to shed aspects of itself in recognition of truth and the limitless.
Truth and limitlessness is of course always already the case, and that’s been recognized on a deep level, but new levels where it has NOT been fully realized continue to be unearthed and brought into truth.
When I’m being earnest and sincere, I’ve found that I can ALWAYS find room to deepen this organism’s recognition of my true identity.
( Edited for spacing – dn )
Many thanks to Timothy Foley for sharing his experiences.
Timothy Foley’s Youtube videos on awakening, enlightenment and related topics may be found at this url:
Timothy Foley may be contacted at this email: email@example.com